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Jeannie Vanasco
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Things We Didn't Talk About When I Was a Girl MP3 CD – Unabridged, October 1, 2019

by Jeannie Vanasco (Author), Amy McFadden (Reader), Andrew Karst (Reader)
4.3 out of 5 stars 277 ratings
Editors' pick Best Biographies & Memoirs

"Jeannie Vanasco has written exactly the book we need right now. I wish everyone in this country would read it." -- Melissa Febos, Abandon Me

Jeannie Vanasco has had the same nightmare since she was a teenager. She startles awake, saying his name. It is always about him: one of her closest high school friends, a boy named Mark. A boy who raped her.

When her nightmares worsen, Jeannie decides―after fourteen years of silence―to reach out to Mark. He agrees to talk on the record and meet in person. "It's the least I can do," he says.

Jeannie details her friendship with Mark before and after the assault, asking the brave and urgent question: Is it possible for a good person to commit a terrible act? Jeannie interviews Mark, exploring how rape has impacted his life as well as her own. She examines the language surrounding sexual assault and pushes against its confines, contributing to and deepening the #MeToo discussion.

Exacting and courageous, Things We Didn't Talk About When I Was a Girl is part memoir, part true crime record, and part testament to the strength of female friendships―a recounting and reckoning that will inspire us to ask harder questions and interrogate our biases. Jeannie Vanasco examines and dismantles long-held myths of victimhood, discovering grace and power in this genre-bending investigation into the trauma of sexual violence.

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  1. Language
    English
  2. Publisher
    Brilliance Audio
  3. Publication date
    October 1, 2019
  4. Dimensions
    6.75 x 5.5 x 0.5 inches
  5. ISBN-10
    1721396691
  6. ISBN-13
    978-1721396696
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The Amazon Book Review
Book recommendations, author interviews, editors' picks, and more. Read it now

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Jeannie Vanasco is the author of The Glass Eye: A Memoir (Tin House Books, 2017). Her work has appeared in The Believer, the New York Times Modern Love, Tin House, and elsewhere. She lives in Baltimore and is an assistant professor at Towson University.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Brilliance Audio; Unabridged edition (October 1, 2019)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1721396691
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1721396696
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 2.4 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6.75 x 5.5 x 0.5 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.3 out of 5 stars 277 ratings

About the author

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Jeannie Vanasco

Jeannie Vanasco

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Jeannie Vanasco is the author of the memoirs Things We Didn’t Talk About When I Was a Girl—which was named a ​New York Times Editors' Choice and a best book of 2019 by TIME, Esquire, Kirkus, among others—and The Glass Eye, which Poets & Writers called one of the five best literary nonfiction debuts of 2017. Her third book, A Silent Treatment, is forthcoming.

Vanasco's writing has appeared in the Believer, the New York Times​, the Times Literary Supplement, and elsewhere. Born and raised in Sandusky, Ohio, she now lives in Baltimore and is an associate professor of English at Towson University.

Her website is www.jeannievanasco.com.

Customer reviews

4.3 out of 5 stars
277 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find the book incredibly powerful. They appreciate its emotional depth, with one customer noting it's okay to have different emotions.

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6 customers mention "Power"6 positive0 negative

Customers find the book incredibly powerful.

"...of her recollection, make this a fascinating, if uncomfortable, piece of literature, and her willingness to share such thoughts and feelings is to..." Read more

"This book is incredibly powerful. I admire her for being willing to examine the incident so intensely and also him for being willing to talk to her...." Read more

"...There is so much to understand and learn from this book. As trauma survivor this book is triggering in many ways and extremely powerful in others...." Read more

"The book was OK...I liked the idea of it, when i first read the description, I was very intrigued and wanted to read it...but halfway through it..." Read more

3 customers mention "Emotion level"3 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the emotional depth of the book, with one noting it's okay to have different emotions and another highlighting its empathetic perspective.

"...A brave, new, empathetic perspective. So glad I read this." Read more

"...This book has made me realize that it’s okay to have different emotions than those that you are expected to have...." Read more

"I couldn't piut it down. I loved the interviews, the emotions boubced off the page. Vivid account of a horrific act executed by her friend." Read more

An important book for survivors
5 out of 5 stars
An important book for survivors
An important addition to the genre of feminist literature reckoning with MeToo. A case study in sexual assault, gender, mental illness, child trauma, a predatory culture, and betrayal. A brave, new, empathetic perspective. So glad I read this.
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Top reviews from the United States

  • Joseph Ottomano
    5.0 out of 5 stars Yes it will make you uncomfortable, no that's not a good reason to not read it
    Reviewed in the United States on July 15, 2020
    Verified Purchase
    This book is not about a rape. It is about the profound affect that rape, rapists, and a society bent upon ignoring both has on a person. Vanasco is not telling a story here, she is offering a window into her mind which has been permanently affected by men who have taken advantage of her. Her approach to writing about her writing process offers more insight into her experience, offering not just her recollection of the events, but her processing of her recollection, make this a fascinating, if uncomfortable, piece of literature, and her willingness to share such thoughts and feelings is to be admired.
    10 people found this helpful
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  • hamlin293
    5.0 out of 5 stars An important book for survivors
    Reviewed in the United States on December 24, 2023
    Verified Purchase
    An important addition to the genre of feminist literature reckoning with MeToo. A case study in sexual assault, gender, mental illness, child trauma, a predatory culture, and betrayal. A brave, new, empathetic perspective. So glad I read this.
    Customer image
    hamlin293
    5.0 out of 5 stars
    An important book for survivors

    Reviewed in the United States on December 24, 2023
    An important addition to the genre of feminist literature reckoning with MeToo. A case study in sexual assault, gender, mental illness, child trauma, a predatory culture, and betrayal. A brave, new, empathetic perspective. So glad I read this.
    Images in this review
    Customer image
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  • Kindle Customer
    4.0 out of 5 stars Interesting
    Reviewed in the United States on May 28, 2020
    Verified Purchase
    As survivor of sexual assault I found it fascinating for her to talk to her perpetrator. It didn't trigger me in any way. I recommend survivors read this if they are in therapy and can handle it if they get triggered.
    4 people found this helpful
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  • Shelly Hammond
    3.0 out of 5 stars Pretty good memoir
    Reviewed in the United States on March 31, 2020
    Amazon Vine Customer Review of Free Product( What's this? )
    Memoirs always seem a little harder to rate than works of fiction. It's someones story so you have certain things you have to take into consideration rather than just if it's a good story, if the writing is well done, if the characters were written in a way that made them fit the story well, if the plot was well done, and a number of other such things. I bring this up because this lacks in a good majority of those categories, if not all of them. What it does give you is one persons point of view of their own life. It's kind of hard to argue such a thing unless you lived it with them. All that said and out of the way, it's still a book and therefor one that can be read, judged, and reviewed by the masses since it's out there.
    What a ramble that was up there. So, here's what I thought about the book.
    (*First, I would like to make it clear that I have not experienced any of the things that the author has said she has in her book so I can't truly relate. If others have experience with sexual assault (ranging from unwanted physical attentions to rape) they would possibly relate on a level I can't and their reviews would reflect that.*)
    I struggled at times to figure out what the point was of what I was reading in some ways. I mean I got the point about talking to the person who did this atrocious crime when they were young and friends in order to talk about it after all these years but it didn't seem to go anywhere for a long time. That was going on and in between there were other things about another rape, professors touching legs and being aggressive, and a long line of men basically being either out and out hands on sexually abusive or verbal and emotional sexual abuse was going on. So it seemed to be a very long pattern for the author to find herself in. It did make you very frustrated that these types of situations have to happen at all to any woman, ever. There were a lot of other women she knew who were raped and died as well. There was stuff about mental illness, drugs, lots about alcohol and so on but these things took a back burner for the most part.
    I just think that this book could have been one of those books that could have helped people more but I suppose it wouldn't be a memoir then? I don't know. Looking back to my first paragraph up there, memoirs can be hard to review because you want to tie up the plot line. Correct the story a bit and fix characters. You want the hero to help the solution so the story gets the right ending. This is real life though isn't it? Doesn't quite work out that way I guess.
    So, after all that, I think the book was alright. It told a story and hopefully helped the author work out a time in her life, or times in her life, that were not so great and maybe it'll help others but if not maybe it at least helped the author to get the story out there.
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  • Amazon Customer
    5.0 out of 5 stars Very Powerful
    Reviewed in the United States on January 31, 2020
    Verified Purchase
    This book is incredibly powerful. I admire her for being willing to examine the incident so intensely and also him for being willing to talk to her. It is interesting to get insight from the other side of an incident. As far as the issue of reliable narrating, I found no issues with the information presented and did not feel that anything was unauthentic. I actually found a lot of good sections where I made notes of insights I found to be incredibly profound. I am interested in reading her previous book now. I highly recommend this book.
    5 people found this helpful
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  • Samantha
    5.0 out of 5 stars I could relate to Jeannie.
    Reviewed in the United States on September 6, 2020
    Verified Purchase
    As a sexual assault survivor, I have struggled to connect to someone who has experienced similar emotions that I deal with on a day-to-day basis. This book has made me realize that it’s okay to have different emotions than those that you are expected to have. The stories that I heard were never like what I was experiencing. I am glad that there is a book that ai can relate to.

    I am about half way done with reading the book and will update my review upon completion of it.
    4 people found this helpful
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  • Hannah
    5.0 out of 5 stars Absolutely amazing!
    Reviewed in the United States on April 17, 2020
    Verified Purchase
    I would recommend this book to everyone. There is so much to understand and learn from this book. As trauma survivor this book is triggering in many ways and extremely powerful in others. She helped me come to terms with many feelings I have been experiencing lately and has reminded me of the fact that we are so resilient.
    2 people found this helpful
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  • Angela
    4.0 out of 5 stars Captivating
    Reviewed in the United States on January 22, 2020
    Verified Purchase
    I couldn't piut it down. I loved the interviews, the emotions boubced off the page. Vivid account of a horrific act executed by her friend.
    2 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

  • breadofheaven
    4.0 out of 5 stars Interesting
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on October 16, 2022
    Verified Purchase
    I enjoyed the writing and the author's insights and could relate with her. The stars are for purely for her work. I had the audio CD and the narrator's speech is heavy with vocal fry which had me gritting my teeth most of the time.
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