Thread by Ana Lorena Fabrega
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- Jul 29, 2022
- #Business #Investment
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Mental models are powerful tools for business, investing, and career decisions.
But there’s another area where mental models are especially effective: Parenting.
Let’s dive in 👇🏼
But there’s another area where mental models are especially effective: Parenting.
Let’s dive in 👇🏼
Mental models are general rules of thumb about how the world works.
Every discipline has them: biology, physics, economics, psychology, etc.
They’re the most basic ideas from each discipline that we can use to understand the fundamentals of life.
Every discipline has them: biology, physics, economics, psychology, etc.
They’re the most basic ideas from each discipline that we can use to understand the fundamentals of life.
Consider critical mass.
In nuclear engineering, it means the smallest amount of uranium needed for a chain reaction
But this applies to other things, too:
• the smallest # of customers for a business
• the smallest # of lessons to learn math
• ideas can attain critical mass
In nuclear engineering, it means the smallest amount of uranium needed for a chain reaction
But this applies to other things, too:
• the smallest # of customers for a business
• the smallest # of lessons to learn math
• ideas can attain critical mass
As investor Charlie Munger says, we need mental models because if the facts don’t hang together on a latticework of theory, you don’t have them in usable form.
“Mental models are critical for anyone interested in thinking clearly, rationally, and effectively” @JamesClear
“Mental models are critical for anyone interested in thinking clearly, rationally, and effectively” @JamesClear
With mental models, parents can recognize patterns in their kids, get clarity about what they’re facing, and make good decisions about how to effectively partner with them.
To unpack how mental models work, let’s look at the story of Darlene, a NICU nurse 🩺
To unpack how mental models work, let’s look at the story of Darlene, a NICU nurse 🩺
One day, Darlene walked past an incubator and noticed the baby inside.
The monitors showed normal vital signs, but the child's skin didn’t look right, its belly was distended, and its heel still bled from where they had pricked it.
Darlene felt like something wasn’t right…
The monitors showed normal vital signs, but the child's skin didn’t look right, its belly was distended, and its heel still bled from where they had pricked it.
Darlene felt like something wasn’t right…
She immediately requested antibiotics.
The doctor wasn’t too worried, but they trusted Darlene, ordered the medicine, and ran tests.
As it turns out, the baby was in the early stages of sepsis, a potentially deadly case of whole-body inflammation from an infection.
The doctor wasn’t too worried, but they trusted Darlene, ordered the medicine, and ran tests.
As it turns out, the baby was in the early stages of sepsis, a potentially deadly case of whole-body inflammation from an infection.
Darlene recognized the sick baby faster than anyone else because she used a mental model to make sense of all the facts.
She had an image in her head about what a healthy baby looks like.
And when this baby didn’t fit that pattern, she knew to take decisive action.
She had an image in her head about what a healthy baby looks like.
And when this baby didn’t fit that pattern, she knew to take decisive action.
Just like Darlene used a mental model to improve a child’s physical health, we can use mental models to improve our kids’ emotional, social, and intellectual health.
Let’s look at 4 examples 👇
Let’s look at 4 examples 👇
1. Maslow’s Hammer
The psychologist Abraham Maslow once said, "If the only tool you have is a hammer, it is tempting to treat everything as if it were a nail.”
It’s very easy for parents to fall into this trap.
We learn one tactic and start to see every problem in that light.
The psychologist Abraham Maslow once said, "If the only tool you have is a hammer, it is tempting to treat everything as if it were a nail.”
It’s very easy for parents to fall into this trap.
We learn one tactic and start to see every problem in that light.
When our kids misbehave, maybe we think they hadn’t had enough punishments, need more rewards, more well-behaved friends, or some other pat solution.
The truth is that when kids start acting out of character, they probably need something new, not more of the same.
The truth is that when kids start acting out of character, they probably need something new, not more of the same.
Each stage of their young life is unique.
They’re growing, developing, changing, and facing new situations.
We need a *variety* of tools at our disposal to meet kids where they are and help them adapt to their latest challenges.
They’re growing, developing, changing, and facing new situations.
We need a *variety* of tools at our disposal to meet kids where they are and help them adapt to their latest challenges.
2. Reactance
People are like bars of soap: the harder you squeeze, the more likely it is to slip away 🧼
The more we’re pressured to do something, the less we want to do it.
We might enjoy running, but as soon as our PE teacher makes us run, it feels miserable.
People are like bars of soap: the harder you squeeze, the more likely it is to slip away 🧼
The more we’re pressured to do something, the less we want to do it.
We might enjoy running, but as soon as our PE teacher makes us run, it feels miserable.
Psychologists call this reactance.
Humans naturally want choice and autonomy–and that goes for kids too.
If you really want your child to do something, but they continue to fight against you, ask whether you’ve given them a choice at all.
Humans naturally want choice and autonomy–and that goes for kids too.
If you really want your child to do something, but they continue to fight against you, ask whether you’ve given them a choice at all.
It’s counterintuitive, but giving them autonomy to participate is often the fastest way to a positive solution for both of you.
I expanded on the importance of autonomy in this thread:
I expanded on the importance of autonomy in this thread:
3. Nudges
Typically, when we want our kids to change their behavior, we feel like the first step is to convince them of something.
Maybe we want them to eat healthy food, so we talk about the importance of fruits.
But talking about a healthy diet isn’t enough.
Typically, when we want our kids to change their behavior, we feel like the first step is to convince them of something.
Maybe we want them to eat healthy food, so we talk about the importance of fruits.
But talking about a healthy diet isn’t enough.
We also need to partner with them to design an environment where it’s *easier* for them to make the best choice.
Social scientists call this a nudge: a simple change in the context that makes good choices easier than bad choices.
Social scientists call this a nudge: a simple change in the context that makes good choices easier than bad choices.
For example, you might ask yourself, “How can I make it easier for them to reach fruit instead of candy?”
By making apples and bananas more accessible, you can help them choose natural sugars over processed sugars.
By making apples and bananas more accessible, you can help them choose natural sugars over processed sugars.
Now, the topic of your conversations with them is different.
You’re talking together about how to develop life-long habits.
You're discussing the benefits of making fruit easy to reach so that when they grow up, they have the skills to set themselves up for a healthy life.
You’re talking together about how to develop life-long habits.
You're discussing the benefits of making fruit easy to reach so that when they grow up, they have the skills to set themselves up for a healthy life.
4. Re-framing 🪟
When kids face a crisis, it’s often an issue of framing.
They’ve framed the problem in a negative way, but with a new perspective, they can see the positives.
When kids face a crisis, it’s often an issue of framing.
They’ve framed the problem in a negative way, but with a new perspective, they can see the positives.
Maybe they’re sad because they can’t spend the night at their grandparents’ house, but we can help them look at the situation from a different angle.
We can encourage them to use that evening time to write a letter for them or make a craft and surprise them the next day 💌🖼️
We can encourage them to use that evening time to write a letter for them or make a craft and surprise them the next day 💌🖼️
@thomaswedell calls this “re-framing." It's when we look at things differently by putting them in a new light 🔦
It help us show kids how they often can’t control life, but they can control their response.
They can choose to be sad or turn the bad situation into something good.
It help us show kids how they often can’t control life, but they can control their response.
They can choose to be sad or turn the bad situation into something good.
Here is another example of how we can reframe the learning process so that kids don’t concern themselves with failure:
With these models, we have a solid parenting strategy.
When things go wrong, we can ask:
▪️ Am I using the right tool?
▪️ Am I forcing my kids into something?
▪️ How can I encourage them in the right direction?
▪️ Maybe they need help seeing things from a better perspective?
When things go wrong, we can ask:
▪️ Am I using the right tool?
▪️ Am I forcing my kids into something?
▪️ How can I encourage them in the right direction?
▪️ Maybe they need help seeing things from a better perspective?
These models are only four of hundreds that parents can use to help them raise their kids.
Let’s look at some other tactics and resources to help build out our own mental model toolbox🧠📦
Let’s look at some other tactics and resources to help build out our own mental model toolbox🧠📦
1. Check out @farnamstreet.
This is a company run by @ShaneAParrish, focused on helping people learn and utilize the best of mental-model thinking.
They offer amazingly helpful resources on their blog, their book, and in their course on mental models for parenting.
This is a company run by @ShaneAParrish, focused on helping people learn and utilize the best of mental-model thinking.
They offer amazingly helpful resources on their blog, their book, and in their course on mental models for parenting.
2. Read Superthinking 📖
This is a book written by @yegg, the founder and CEO of DuckDuckGo, and his wife @lilbunnyfuted.
Together, they walk through well over one hundred mental models and how they apply to real life.
www.amazon.com/Superthinking-grande-libro-modelli-mentali/dp/8820394545/ref=sr_1_1?crid=12YQMSGBG31IH...
This is a book written by @yegg, the founder and CEO of DuckDuckGo, and his wife @lilbunnyfuted.
Together, they walk through well over one hundred mental models and how they apply to real life.
www.amazon.com/Superthinking-grande-libro-modelli-mentali/dp/8820394545/ref=sr_1_1?crid=12YQMSGBG31IH...
3. Start practicing 💪🏼
To use mental models effectively, it’s all about practice.
When you see your child act a certain way, ask whether you’ve seen this pattern before.
Connect the dots, make generalizations with other things you’ve experienced, and try to find commonalities.
To use mental models effectively, it’s all about practice.
When you see your child act a certain way, ask whether you’ve seen this pattern before.
Connect the dots, make generalizations with other things you’ve experienced, and try to find commonalities.
4. Keep a journal ✍️
Take a few minutes to note the things you realized, and what happened as a result.
This will allow you to find some of the longer-term patterns with your kids.
Over time, this will also help you develop some mental models specific to your children.
Take a few minutes to note the things you realized, and what happened as a result.
This will allow you to find some of the longer-term patterns with your kids.
Over time, this will also help you develop some mental models specific to your children.
5. Use checklists ✅
For example, when your child refuses to go to bed on time, you might create a list of things to try.
With experimentation, you can find the tactics that work, use them while they're effective, and update them as your child grows and builds new patterns.
For example, when your child refuses to go to bed on time, you might create a list of things to try.
With experimentation, you can find the tactics that work, use them while they're effective, and update them as your child grows and builds new patterns.
Despite their usefulness, mental models are rarely taught in school.
Imagine if kids learned about these ideas from a young age? They would be better decision makers in all areas of their lives.
This is one of the many reasons I love @synthesischool
Imagine if kids learned about these ideas from a young age? They would be better decision makers in all areas of their lives.
This is one of the many reasons I love @synthesischool
Kids practice solving problems together and using mental models to create solutions when they’re no easy answers.
They learn how to create a mental picture of a situation, which becomes a model that they can later apply in similar real-life situations.
launch.synthesis.is/msfab
They learn how to create a mental picture of a situation, which becomes a model that they can later apply in similar real-life situations.
launch.synthesis.is/msfab
With mental models, we can reduce the complexity of parenting.
We can use a few rules of thumb to organize our experience, give us insight, and map the right way forward for our kids.
What other mental models are useful for parenting?
We can use a few rules of thumb to organize our experience, give us insight, and map the right way forward for our kids.
What other mental models are useful for parenting?
I explore ideas like this in Fab Fridays, my newsletter on childhood education with a twist + new ways to learn.
Subscribe below! 🤸🏼
afabrega.com/newsletter
Subscribe below! 🤸🏼
afabrega.com/newsletter
