Thread by Alex Lieberman
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- Oct 19, 2022
- #PersonalDevelopment
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Most people HATE disagreements.
They fear confrontation, tension, and hurting others.
But the most successful people I know disagree often & disagree well.
Here's how they do it:
They fear confrontation, tension, and hurting others.
But the most successful people I know disagree often & disagree well.
Here's how they do it:
(Part I) Know the ground rules (GR) of good disagreement:
1) Expect them to happen
2) Eliminate emotion
3) Be long-term aligned
4) Time is your best friend
5) Set the stage
6) Don't force agreement
1) Expect them to happen
2) Eliminate emotion
3) Be long-term aligned
4) Time is your best friend
5) Set the stage
6) Don't force agreement
GR #1: Expect disagreements to happen
Big, ugly disagreements happen when things bubble up.
Things bubble up when you try to avoid confrontation.
By expecting disagreements to happen, you embrace them frequently.
And by embracing them, you avoid the big ones.
Big, ugly disagreements happen when things bubble up.
Things bubble up when you try to avoid confrontation.
By expecting disagreements to happen, you embrace them frequently.
And by embracing them, you avoid the big ones.
GR #2: Eliminate emotion
As @RayDalio says, we have "two you's".
The higher-level you: thoughtful & logical. Seeks truth.
The lower-level you: reactive & emotional. Seeks victory.
To disagree well, you must quiet the lower-level you.
As @RayDalio says, we have "two you's".
The higher-level you: thoughtful & logical. Seeks truth.
The lower-level you: reactive & emotional. Seeks victory.
To disagree well, you must quiet the lower-level you.
@RayDalio GR #3: Be long-term aligned
It's wayyyy easier to handle disagreements when you're on the same page.
Same vision for the business, product, team.
Same goals to be achieved by the decision you're making.
It's wayyyy easier to handle disagreements when you're on the same page.
Same vision for the business, product, team.
Same goals to be achieved by the decision you're making.
@RayDalio GR #4: Time is your best friend
Know the Seinfeld Rule?
Seinfeld doesn't show jokes to ppl for 24hrs to preserve the joy he felt writing them before ppl critique.
This can be applied to disagreement.
Separate disagreement from decision for 24hrs to let emotions subside.
Know the Seinfeld Rule?
Seinfeld doesn't show jokes to ppl for 24hrs to preserve the joy he felt writing them before ppl critique.
This can be applied to disagreement.
Separate disagreement from decision for 24hrs to let emotions subside.
@RayDalio GR #5: Set the stage
To disagree the right way, set up your environment the right way.
1) Lead with curiosity to uncover your own blindspots
2) Changing your mind should be welcomed & celebrated
3) Disagreement is about attacking ideas not attacking people
To disagree the right way, set up your environment the right way.
1) Lead with curiosity to uncover your own blindspots
2) Changing your mind should be welcomed & celebrated
3) Disagreement is about attacking ideas not attacking people
@RayDalio GR #6: Don't force agreement
The point of disagreement is not to ultimately agree.
It's to gather information, weigh risk & reward, and come to a decision.
But decision ≠ agreement
And that is absolutely okay.
The point of disagreement is not to ultimately agree.
It's to gather information, weigh risk & reward, and come to a decision.
But decision ≠ agreement
And that is absolutely okay.
@RayDalio (Part II) Have steps (ST) for good disagreement:
1) WTF are we disagreeing about
2) Establish the ground rules
3) Get it all out
4) Question facts/assumptions
5) Share new perspective
6) Stop thinking, start doing
1) WTF are we disagreeing about
2) Establish the ground rules
3) Get it all out
4) Question facts/assumptions
5) Share new perspective
6) Stop thinking, start doing
@RayDalio ST #1: WTF are we disagreeing about
Sounds crazy, but people often argue without knowing why they're arguing.
They do it to form a strong opinion and preach that opinion to the world.
To have a good disagreement, you must know you're disagreeing about the same thing.
Sounds crazy, but people often argue without knowing why they're arguing.
They do it to form a strong opinion and preach that opinion to the world.
To have a good disagreement, you must know you're disagreeing about the same thing.
@RayDalio ST #3: Get it all out
REMEMBER: the goal of disagreement is to understand the perspective of others to improve your own decision-making.
During this step, everyone involved should share their:
1) Opinion/Decision
2) Facts
3) Assumptions
4) Risks if they're wrong
REMEMBER: the goal of disagreement is to understand the perspective of others to improve your own decision-making.
During this step, everyone involved should share their:
1) Opinion/Decision
2) Facts
3) Assumptions
4) Risks if they're wrong
@RayDalio ST #4: Question facts/assumptions
3 possible things cause disagreement:
1) Different set of facts
2) Different set of assumptions
3) Different risk/reward appetite
This is your chance to learn more & pinpoint the cause.
3 possible things cause disagreement:
1) Different set of facts
2) Different set of assumptions
3) Different risk/reward appetite
This is your chance to learn more & pinpoint the cause.
@RayDalio ST #5: Share new perspective
You know why you're disagreeing.
You know what you're disagreeing about.
You know what's informing their perspective.
You have all the ingredients to shape your perspective.
Just remember: changing your opinion doesn't mean you're wrong.
You know why you're disagreeing.
You know what you're disagreeing about.
You know what's informing their perspective.
You have all the ingredients to shape your perspective.
Just remember: changing your opinion doesn't mean you're wrong.
@RayDalio ST #6: Stop thinking, start doing.
If you've reached agreement: great.
If you still disagree: find a way to make a decision.
1) Make it based on rank - not always optimal, but most practical
2) Make it based on believability - who's made similar, right decisions prior
If you've reached agreement: great.
If you still disagree: find a way to make a decision.
1) Make it based on rank - not always optimal, but most practical
2) Make it based on believability - who's made similar, right decisions prior
@RayDalio And that's how to disagree often & disagree well!
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Enjoy this? Follow @businessbarista for more threads on leadership & entrepreneurship.
Wanna go deeper? Subscribe to my show The Crazy Ones: bit.ly/3Tfg0xD
It helps entrepreneurs build great companies.
