Let’s have a look at the Internet in 1999, shall we? Amazon and Microsoft feature prominently. But no Google or Facebook. And some quite cringing recommendations about how to spend your time on the “Information Superhighway”. Dial up the modem and get comfortable /1

First, search for something. Imagine a world in which you said: “Give me a sec. Let me HotBot that.” /2

In 1999, shopping was poised to be the “next big thing.” Personally, I’m devastated we have lost WebFerret and WebSnake from our daily lives. I’d be a member of “WebFerret Prime”, guaranteed next month delivery. /3

If chatting online is your thing you could make a “cute comic strip” on Microsoft Chat. Other functionality “should keep you amused for several minutes.”/4

Fed up of Zoom and Teams? You should go for Microsoft NetMeeting for that retro look. “It’s more like a slideshow than real time video.” /5

Amazon was already the “web’s biggest success story” in 1999. But “it’s not shown a profit to date.” /6

I’m surprised “Jesus of the Week” didn’t really establish itself as a Core Platform Service under the #DMA /7

Even in 1999, the internet was brutalising our language. Although personally I still use YMMY most days /8

Emoticons should have been banned in 1999 already. Then we wouldn’t be in this emoji hell.

Yours, thinking sad thoughts,

Lewis
/ends