Thread
My mom & I just disagreed about something pivotal that happened TO ME 25 years ago
In the story I end up triumphant. We both agree on that.But,how I got there? She had a wholly different version
I said, that’s not what happened!, & suggested we trade stories
I gave my version
In the story I end up triumphant. We both agree on that.But,how I got there? She had a wholly different version
I said, that’s not what happened!, & suggested we trade stories
I gave my version
She nodded along the entire way. Yes, Miah, yes, Miah, Yes Miah.
And, I triumphantly exclaimed, SEE! You even agree with me! THAT’S what happened.
And, I triumphantly exclaimed, SEE! You even agree with me! THAT’S what happened.
She said “yes, except for the part where I went to talk to X and we concocted a plan behind your back because you didn’t think you were smart enough to do the thing.”
“WHAT?!” I asked
“WHAT?!” I asked
Then she gave her version, a story I’ve never heard before. In her story, she recounted seeing me look and feel so defeated, not smart enough to do something, and I had given up before I’d even started (all true)
And she said, “after I dropped you off at school, I drove straight to X’s office and told her about you and explained your fear. X listened and said ‘bring Miah to me on Saturday, don’t tell her what I do, and let her be herself.’”
One Saturday, my mom told me we were going downtown to work on college financial aide information. That’s what happened.
I got in the car, went with her and when I got there several college financial aide officers were there helping students.
I got in the car, went with her and when I got there several college financial aide officers were there helping students.
I was assigned to X. She was a lovely black woman, funny & warm. She & my mom started talking about financial aide and then X started just talking to me…asking me why I wanted to go to college, why I had chosen Michigan State, what I wanted to study. It was a casual conversation
In the folder of financial information, my mom had me out my official HS transcript and ACT&SAT test scores. I probably thought that was a bit weird, but I’d never been to college before and have always been over prepared so I didn’t question it
X asked to see my transcripts and test scores. She asked me why I hadn’t applied to Michigan
I told her I didn’t think I could get in (that was true), so I didn’t bother to apply
I told her I didn’t think I could get in (that was true), so I didn’t bother to apply
We went back to talking about financial info. Then X started asking me more questions about my community service—I was still an active Girl Scout and had just earned my silver award. I had my own business,Cookie Heaven. I volunteered at other local orgs,
was part of citywide mock trial competitions, was one student council, was a student journalist for the newspaper, was a national Girl Scout rep, took 3 AP classes, was in a dual enrollment program with WCCC, and took microbiology in a DAPCEP partnership at Wayne State
I also had a part time job at Target. I played classical piano.
This woman is just asking me about my life, and I’m being, well, me.
This woman is just asking me about my life, and I’m being, well, me.
As far as I know, this woman is a financial aide counselor. At the end, she said, you know you seem smart! I bet you could get into Michigan if you applied.
Again, I said “no, they’ll never accept me.”
I didn’t think I was smart enough.
Again, I said “no, they’ll never accept me.”
I didn’t think I was smart enough.
So THEN she says, what if I told you I worked for the Michigan admissions office?
I was shocked!
She asked me if I would write an entrance essay. I did.
I wrote an essay about not knowing what I wanted to do when I graduated, and why that was an unfair essay topic for a HSer
I was shocked!
She asked me if I would write an entrance essay. I did.
I wrote an essay about not knowing what I wanted to do when I graduated, and why that was an unfair essay topic for a HSer
You all know I graduated from @umich. What you don’t know is that in high school, I didn’t think I could get in and didn’t apply.
I was more afraid of rejection than trying.
I was more afraid of rejection than trying.
What I learned tonight was that my mom watched me, defeated and deflated. She knew my talents and RANGE of extracurriculars, my grades and coursework and test scores. And when she tried to get me to apply, my eyes would well up with tears because I wasn’t smart enough
So she decided to help me.
She didn’t know X.
She had met X ONE time prior and knew where her office was.
So after she dropped me off at school, she didn’t go to work. She went to X’s office, walked in, and said “let me tell you about my daughter.”
She didn’t know X.
She had met X ONE time prior and knew where her office was.
So after she dropped me off at school, she didn’t go to work. She went to X’s office, walked in, and said “let me tell you about my daughter.”
She told X, I was too afraid to try, but she believed I would be an excellent Michigan student.
All this is happening without my knowledge
X tells my mom that’s a common feeling and to bring her to the office on Saturday and pretend we’re there for a financial aide workshop
All this is happening without my knowledge
X tells my mom that’s a common feeling and to bring her to the office on Saturday and pretend we’re there for a financial aide workshop
So we went.
And when I could be me, and relax, and talk about studying French for 4 years and Japanese for 1, about why I was still a @girlscouts, my role on the newspaper, being a national rep, the book I wanted to write, starting my own business…
And when I could be me, and relax, and talk about studying French for 4 years and Japanese for 1, about why I was still a @girlscouts, my role on the newspaper, being a national rep, the book I wanted to write, starting my own business…
I could present a compelling case for myself without even knowing it.
But what actually has me in tears right now isn’t any of that. I know that story. I always thought it was happenstance, a lucky break that the financial aide lady worked at Michigan
But what actually has me in tears right now isn’t any of that. I know that story. I always thought it was happenstance, a lucky break that the financial aide lady worked at Michigan
When In reality, what I learned tonight, was that luck had nothing to do with it.
My mother did.
My mother looked at me, saw her qualified, smart, engaged daughter defeated and quitting at the starting line and decided that would not do.
My mother did.
My mother looked at me, saw her qualified, smart, engaged daughter defeated and quitting at the starting line and decided that would not do.
So she orchestrated a college interview event with a woman she had met ONCE before, concocted a story, and put me in a space where I could be my best, most comfortable self.
I learned today what happened in1997.
My mother, in one mastermind trick, changed the course of my life. Not by the college I got into—but the belief that I could get in.
My mother, in one mastermind trick, changed the course of my life. Not by the college I got into—but the belief that I could get in.
Im sitting here thinking of ALL the jobs, fellowships, opps I’ve applied to since 1997, how my perspective is “always apply. Always apply.” That’s how I coach my mentees.
All this time I thought that was just me. It isn’t. I didn’t used to always apply.
All this time I thought that was just me. It isn’t. I didn’t used to always apply.
That 1 hour trick changed my perspective and then my life.
Im thinking about social capital, and how my mother leveraged hers to get me an opportunity to be myself.
Im thinking about social capital, and how my mother leveraged hers to get me an opportunity to be myself.
Im thinking about how my mother and my MS and HS counselors became friends—and therefore I was always scheduled with the best teachers in the building.
Im thinking about what a privilege it has been to have a mother who understood how to build and use social & political school capital to benefit me and my sister.
And I’m thinking about kids who don’t have an OG like mine, so their teachers have to stand in the gap
And I’m thinking about kids who don’t have an OG like mine, so their teachers have to stand in the gap
Advocate and demand higher classes for black children. Vocally resist the overpolicing and punishing black children in schools. Insist on texts that reflect their communities. Call in favors. Offer tutoring. Share opportunities and convince parents to apply.
Standing in the gap
Standing in the gap
And what happens to the smart, engaged, funny, talented black and brown children who are too afraid to apply, to try, and there is no one to stand in the gap & advocate for them
See, my mom KNEW me. She KNEW that she would have to help me because I was too afraid to help myself
See, my mom KNEW me. She KNEW that she would have to help me because I was too afraid to help myself
My mom is a retired educator, school principal. I can honestly say that while she probably stood in the gap tallest, hardest, and more firmly planted for me and my sis,
She stood in the gap for the thousands of children in her care over a 40 year career.
She stood in the gap for the thousands of children in her care over a 40 year career.
To this day we can’t go anywhere in the D without someone knowing her, coming up and THANKING her, always smiling, sometimes crying, always grateful for how she stood in the gap for them/their kids
I was quieted and humbled tonight by the OG. She, once again, reminded me the importance of what we do: advocate for children who cannot advocate for themselves.
Bonus: I also found out tonight that the essay I wrote X used as a model essay for prospective students in the years after.
I am truly shocked.
I am truly shocked.
If you want to stand in the gap for students who need advocates, please donate to or volunteer for @826DC, a nonprofit org serving black and brown students in DC. give.826dc.org/give/439127/
Donations are matched this month by the board, so your $20 is really $40, $50 really $100
Donations are matched this month by the board, so your $20 is really $40, $50 really $100
@826DC is a third space in the community that advocates for children by teaching them how to write, how to share the voice they have with others
And if you’re still here, if you’re a parent and you want to advocate for your child’s reading development, check out @NWEA “a guide for families” on supporting reading at home
www.nwea.org/resource-center/resource/how-to-support-reading-at-home-a-guide-for-families/
www.nwea.org/resource-center/resource/how-to-support-reading-at-home-a-guide-for-families/
And if you’re an educator (at any level), check out @NWEA stances on writing—my team wrote these and this is how I advocate for children in this space: better instruction for reading and writing.
www.nwea.org/resource-center/resource/writing-for-all-nwea-stances-on-writing/
www.nwea.org/resource-center/resource/writing-for-all-nwea-stances-on-writing/
