Jacob's law of equal sexual oppression/privilege: in societies where hetero-monogamy is the norm dating/sex/marriage will be equally difficult and equally rewarding for men and women as a whole

I will offer 3 arguments to support this belief: empirical, theoretical, and moral

This is not an ironclad law of nature and either of the arguments can be (and are, every day) nitpicked. But I hope that together they may convince you that this can't be very far from the truth, and it's good to adopt the stance that it is true given no strong evidence against.

First: basically for every gendered complaint about dating there's an equal and opposite complaint from the other side.

slut shaming - creep shaming
treated as object - treated as a threat
fuckbois - hypergamy
maternity penalty - custody laws
strict gendered expectations - same

Again, you can nitpick any pair to "prove" that your side has it worse, especially because the harms to the opposite sex aren't as visceral or obvious to you, but you have to admit that from an outside the shittiness of dating looks quite symmetrical.

There's a reason for it.

Ultimately, ~every hetero date, sexual encounter, and marriage involves one man and one woman. For sheer reasons of supply and demand, if one side got a worse deal the equal ratio would get out of whack until dating became and equally good proposition for both again.

Say we had a strong norm that women pay for dates. Would guys be better off? No, because fewer women would date until they got other "concessions": higher grooming standards for men, more selective casual sex, more dates at wine bars with tiny plates and fewer in steakhouses, etc

Almost all competition that affects dating is 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿sexual, and any changes will make some worse and some better off only 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻 each group.

If we outlaw flirting in the office, it will be better for subtle flirts and bad for unceremonious flirts. If we change modesty norms, it changes how much effort is spent on looking as sexy as possible within the limits and who's better at it.

So why does everyone feel that they're the oppressed sex? People naturally end up in dating markets where their sex is the majority, which both makes it objectively harder for the majority and also exposes them to the majority argument bitching about it.

putanumonit.com/2020/01/26/skewed-and-the-screwed/

And this is why it's good to believe in equality of oppression even though something like this can't ever be proven "conclusively". If you don't, you'll gravitate more and more towards people supporting your grievance and resentment, and there's no end to that vicious spiral.

When I hear complaints from either side I automatically think of the symmetric harm to the other, and I feel equal compassion for both men and women instead of feeling that half of humanity my enemy. This is good for my dating life but mostly it's good for my soul.

And by the way, being a man who constantly commiserates about "the patriarchy" or a girl who talks shit about "bitches these days" is not a virtue. You're scoring easy points while corroding the soul of the women/men you talk to by reinforcing their grievance. It's cringe as fuck