Thread
Over the past decade, I've met with dozens of men in failing marriages.
If you want to be happy in a marriage that lasts, here's what you need to know:
If you want to be happy in a marriage that lasts, here's what you need to know:
As a man who's had serious marriage struggles (and been open about them),
I often get asked to meet with men whose marriages are failing.
Over the years, I've noticed a trend.
100% of men in failing marriages share these 5 core issues:
I often get asked to meet with men whose marriages are failing.
Over the years, I've noticed a trend.
100% of men in failing marriages share these 5 core issues:
1 - They no longer believe they need what their wife offers.
For the most part, I believe people do a great job of choosing a spouse.
They marry someone who brings balance and covers their weaknesses.
That counterweight drives growth.
You need your spouse.
For the most part, I believe people do a great job of choosing a spouse.
They marry someone who brings balance and covers their weaknesses.
That counterweight drives growth.
You need your spouse.
The problem is that men begin to discount what their wife offers over time.
The exact reasons that drew you to her become the frustrations, annoyances, and differences that drive you apart.
Men in failing marriages have lost the belief that their wife offers anything they need.
The exact reasons that drew you to her become the frustrations, annoyances, and differences that drive you apart.
Men in failing marriages have lost the belief that their wife offers anything they need.
If you want to be happy in a marriage that lasts,
It starts with believing that your wife is exactly what you need.
Make it a habit to remember why you married her.
You're not as grown up and well-rounded as you think you are.
Choose gratitude as your foundation.
It starts with believing that your wife is exactly what you need.
Make it a habit to remember why you married her.
You're not as grown up and well-rounded as you think you are.
Choose gratitude as your foundation.
2 - They have chosen to no longer find their wife sexually attractive.
I say "chosen" on purpose.
Men in failing marriages seek sexual gratification outside of their marriage.
Whether it's a physical affair or pornography,
They've shut down their desire for their wife.
I say "chosen" on purpose.
Men in failing marriages seek sexual gratification outside of their marriage.
Whether it's a physical affair or pornography,
They've shut down their desire for their wife.
Your spouse is meant to be your most intimate relationship.
Intimacy is more than sex.
But, for most men, sexual intimacy is an on-ramp to emotional and relational connection.
When that pathway closes, your marriage grows cold and your overall desire for your wife fades.
Intimacy is more than sex.
But, for most men, sexual intimacy is an on-ramp to emotional and relational connection.
When that pathway closes, your marriage grows cold and your overall desire for your wife fades.
If you want to be happy in a marriage that lasts,
Cut off all outlets for sexual fulfillment outside of your wife.
Choose her as the focus of your desire,
And it will ripple into a deepening of every facet of your relationship.
Cut off all outlets for sexual fulfillment outside of your wife.
Choose her as the focus of your desire,
And it will ripple into a deepening of every facet of your relationship.
3 - They aren't investing their lives into anything other than their work.
Men in failing marriages live in a very small story.
They see no greater purpose to their lives than making money and collecting acclaim.
When there's no grander sense of mission,
A man's heart dies.
Men in failing marriages live in a very small story.
They see no greater purpose to their lives than making money and collecting acclaim.
When there's no grander sense of mission,
A man's heart dies.
When a man's heart dies,
He has a choice to make:
- Resign himself to a static existence, or
- Search for something more
Most men who choose the search for "more" seek it in the wrong places.
Golf won't bring your heart back.
Neither will a new car or a new woman.
He has a choice to make:
- Resign himself to a static existence, or
- Search for something more
Most men who choose the search for "more" seek it in the wrong places.
Golf won't bring your heart back.
Neither will a new car or a new woman.
If you want to be happy in a marriage that lasts,
Go get your heart back.
Your wife doesn't want your money.
She wants you...fully alive.
Counseling has made a big impact on me.
So have spiritual pursuits, time in nature, and investing in others.
Live in a larger story.
Go get your heart back.
Your wife doesn't want your money.
She wants you...fully alive.
Counseling has made a big impact on me.
So have spiritual pursuits, time in nature, and investing in others.
Live in a larger story.
4 - They refuse to take genuine responsibility for their problems.
Men in failing marriages give lip service to their culpability.
But it always sounds like,
"I know I haven't been the best husband, but..."
Then the reasons why it's all their wife's fault start flowing.
Men in failing marriages give lip service to their culpability.
But it always sounds like,
"I know I haven't been the best husband, but..."
Then the reasons why it's all their wife's fault start flowing.
There are few things more damaging to a man's soul than a sense of powerlessness.
When you refuse to accept responsibility,
You're not quitting on your marriage.
You're quitting on yourself.
You're deciding that you're too weak and helpless to effect change.
When you refuse to accept responsibility,
You're not quitting on your marriage.
You're quitting on yourself.
You're deciding that you're too weak and helpless to effect change.
If you want to be happy in a marriage that lasts,
You have to shift your beliefs about the problems you're facing.
You have to own them and make it your mission to resolve them.
Not just your part.
You own the whole thing.
Whatever it takes.
Find the power in humility.
You have to shift your beliefs about the problems you're facing.
You have to own them and make it your mission to resolve them.
Not just your part.
You own the whole thing.
Whatever it takes.
Find the power in humility.
5 - They all believe in the inverted law of happiness.
Every man in a failing marriage is unhappy.
But that's not the problem.
The problem lies is in what they believe would make them happy.
It reveals an inverted view of happiness.
And we all fall victim to it.
Every man in a failing marriage is unhappy.
But that's not the problem.
The problem lies is in what they believe would make them happy.
It reveals an inverted view of happiness.
And we all fall victim to it.
The inverted law of happiness states that happiness is a result of circumstances.
It says that the problems - and therefore the answers - are external.
If you're unhappy, change your environment.
Which, for too many men, means getting divorced.
It doesn't have to be that way.
It says that the problems - and therefore the answers - are external.
If you're unhappy, change your environment.
Which, for too many men, means getting divorced.
It doesn't have to be that way.
If you want to be happy in a marriage that lasts,
Adopt a correct view of happiness.
Happiness is an internal reality.
It's something that can be chosen despite your external circumstances.
Do the internal work.
Choose to say "no" to what if.
Choose to say "yes" to what is.
Adopt a correct view of happiness.
Happiness is an internal reality.
It's something that can be chosen despite your external circumstances.
Do the internal work.
Choose to say "no" to what if.
Choose to say "yes" to what is.
Men - whether your marriage succeeds or fails is largely up to you.
If you:
- Remain grateful for your wife
- Make her the sole focus of your desire
- Seek a deep sense of purpose
- Own the problems in your marriage
- Choose to be happy
It will pay dividends.
If you:
- Remain grateful for your wife
- Make her the sole focus of your desire
- Seek a deep sense of purpose
- Own the problems in your marriage
- Choose to be happy
It will pay dividends.
Thanks for investing your time in my thread.
If it helped you, I'd be grateful if you'd:
•Retweet the first tweet so others find it too
•Follow me @wdmorrisjr ⏤ it encourages me to keep writing!
If it helped you, I'd be grateful if you'd:
•Retweet the first tweet so others find it too
•Follow me @wdmorrisjr ⏤ it encourages me to keep writing!
